The Genius's Guide to Fanfiction!
by GooseberryIcecream
Summary: A guide all about super speshul characters, plotlines and of course Nico.
1. Chapter 1

**A genius's guide to fanfiction.**

**THIS IS A PARODY! I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND; I'M NOT ATTACKING SPECIFIC PEOPLE!**

**I also do not claim to be some sort of brilliant author that is better then everybody else. This is just me being a bitch because the amount of Mary Sues in this fandom annoys me so much.**

First thing and most important thing is the name of your character. There are so many important things in a name. A name is never just a name it had to completely describe your character.

If your character is super dark, her name should be Raven. But you don't want to seem like an uncreative author so you should probably spell it wrong.

RyxxVen is a much better variation. It could also be a name that has anything to do with:

Crimson, Roses, Wolves, Vampires, or Blood.

It has to be a hardcore name.

If you don't have a super dark character with a tragic past (which would be a very boring character, everybody knows all interesting people were raped, molested, abandoned or abused) there are some other options for you.

Consider giving her three names.

Rose Alexandria Ruby. That totally says that she is unique. BUT something even better and prettier would be if it was spelled wrong.

Rossse Alxandryia Rubie. Now THAT is a good name for your character.

_Wait but that doesn't describe my characters personality!_

Oh no! That would mean you would need to show her personality through your writing skills. That's no fun! And it involves way too much writing!

So Charity Beauty Robin Intelligent is born! Oh she is so perfect!

_She needs to have a nickname._

You can't simply name your character her nickname! That would make no sense at all! So let's think of how nicknames work for a second.

Elizabeth-Beth

Rebecca-Becca

Sophia Melody Sparkle-Luna

There, that should make sense. You should also use every possible combination of nicknames possible like so:

Delaney-Laney, Lane, Del, Della, Dellie, Delane, or De.

_I'm not Japanese but I love to pretend I am and think all of their culture is kakkoii! That means cool in Japanese! What should I call my character?_

Why it should be Japanese of course! Why even ask that question? You must go to as many baby naming websites and find out all of the meanings for Japanese names and name her that! Gosh! And if you really want an interesting character have her say kawaii or call people kun. That wouldn't piss anybody off and they will love it just as much as you do!

Aiko Keikio Masami is the name for you!

Another great idea is to name her after something in Greek Mythology! And not something that can be turned into a somewhat normal name like Perecus to Percy. No no no! It should be something cool and unique like Atalanta or Clytemnestra. Speaking of Greek Mythology you should defiantly consider naming her something after her parent!

So creative!

Now here is the basic idea:

Poseidon: Oceana, Aquamarina, River, Waterina,

Zeus: Lightning, Sky, Skye, Star, Storm, Stormy, Lightninga

Demeter: Are you really asking me this? Any flower! DUH!

Hades: anything HARDCORE! Wolverina, Sable, Ophelia, and Azrealle are my personal favorites

Apollo: Sunny or Sonny

_OMg OmG She should totally be on a tv show called So Random! And be a singer and look exactly like Demi Lovato!_

I bow down to your originality

_Hey my name is Melanie! And my pen name is Melanie1212 should I name my character Melanie?_

Of course! I mean if you want a realistic character it should totally be the perfect form of you! I mean that only makes sense and it's so much easier then having to come up with a personality or an actual character!

Well here you go! It's so brilliant it burns! But before you go make sure you never ever ever EVAR! Name a character something like Lauren or Sarah or Jamie. How gross and realistic! Ew! I hate names that you hear everyday! Who wants to be able to relate to a character name? Weirdos that flame stories that's who!

**~I WANT TO REPEAT THIS ISN'T MEANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY! But I did hope it made a few people laugh!**

**Report and flame away, I know I'm a hypocrite but I'll remind you that if I didn't like your story at least I gave you specific reasons.**


	2. Chapter 2

Ah now that our perfectly wonderful character has a name we can get to the fun part-their appearance! Now we have something to write about for pages and pages! After all unless the reader has the most picture, perfect image of Natalia Amethyst-My name don't you dare steal it or I will yell at you through the internet! There is no fate worst then that! Unless they now what she looks like everyday right down to the brand names of her clothes they shall hate it. _Hate it._

Hair color is very important. It basically defines the entire story. You can do the classic thing and go with blonde hair, but never use the word blonde. It would make her seem dumb, try golden, flaxen, platinum, honey, or locks of sunshine. But remember she is not blonde. Brown is another word you aren't allowed to use. NOT ALLOWED. Brown is an icky color, you are superior to brown. She has flowing tresses of chocolate/coco. Redheads are fun too, but it's only allowed on rebellious short-tempered people. Mellow people can't have red hair. It's not the way genetics work!

_But my character is hardcore and misunderstood! Those colors don't describe that at all!_

A misunderstood blonde person? That never happens in the natural world! What was I thinking? Give her black hair! Screw the fact that she is as pale as paper! Now in the real universe genetically speaking only Asians, Native Americans, Hispanic and Black people can have true black hair but the rule world SUX! Why would we ever write about something from the real world?

Now we covered the boring hair colors we can get on to the fun stuff, the REAL hair colors. Violet, magenta, green, aqua, primrose

…one second I dropped my crayon box…

turquoise, apple berry red and scarlet. I'm partial to silver. Think about it, looking like an old lady only she's (insert age of favorite male character)! How brilliant would that be?

_I can't pick…they are all so wonderful!_

I know, I know. Luckily for you in the world of fanfiction you don't have to make decisions! You can mix them all together in a wonderful rainbow of realistic hair! Give her violet roots that grows into silver (squee!) then becomes pink with aqua highlights. OhEmGee it's so beautiful I think my eyes are going to bleed!

You also can go down the original path of having her hair/eye color change!

_How is that possible?_

SILENCE! This is fanFICTION! You needn't offer explanations for her awesomeness! She is too good for that. You are superior to science. Remember that and you shall go far in life. But if you want to be all 'smart and unspeashul' you can give her a reason. Her daddykins/mummy dearsest god/goddess parent wuved her so much they gave her that ability. There, now never talk about the subject again.

Eyes. Her eyes are even more important then her hair color! They are the portals to her soul, the orbs of magic that reveal her life story, the disks of beauty that (insert favorite male character here) can gaze lovingly into!1! Her eyes come with some rules too. She can't have brown eyes. Nope, not allowed.

_But what-_

NO! She can't have blue eyes either. She can have azure eyes, or pools of the ocean, or maybe even cerulean eyes. But not blue. Green eyes are also a popular color. They are best paired with either the black hair pale girl or a nature girl.

But the bestest, coolest amsumest color for eyes is by far… PURPLE!

Purple, purple, purple! Oh how I do love purple eyes! They are so mysterious and magical! They offer deep insight into Gweniverie Storm's personality and past that you never need to write about it! They can magically seduce (insert name of favorite male character) off his feet and make him fall in love with her! They can strike fear into the hearts of her enemies that are both bigger then her, more experienced then her and in a realistic fight would beat her to a pulp and spit on it. Oh and they can tell the tale of her past! Remember if she's been sad once-and I mean it only has to be one time, like maybe she tripped in the hallway once-it will always linger in her eyes. Oh if she's strong it'll be in there to some where.

Now after describing her eyes and hair in the longest way possible you can describe….um…what else do people have besides eyes and hair?

Her body type! Good ways to describe that include:

Slender

Supermodel pretty

Anorexic skinny, but she's not anorexic and she is in good shape to

Hot

Sexy

The hottest, sexiest, supermodel pretty, slender, anorexic skinny girl (insert favorite male character) had ever seen.

She has to be in perfect shape, but not to muscular. Sure she can throttle Kronos without breaking a sweat, but if she actually HAS the muscle mass she should she'd look way to manly. (Insert favorite male character) only likes girly girls. Obviously.

_Mai charter iz sCene so she werez lotz ov makeup._

First of all what do you use? That would be a good place to start. Describe every little bit of makeup she puts on along with the brand name and color. She wore blue eyeliner.

Puh-leaz! More like she carefully applied Hot Topic Berry Tripp Blue liner to her emerald orbs, then put on some LashBlast and Revlon ColorMix Black Magic eyeshadow!

Same rules apply for her clothing, jeans and a yellow t-shirt? I think you mean Guess brand stone-washed flare jeans with wavy embroidery on the back pockets and a yellow Ella ruched scoop neck tee that was the shade of lemonade on a warm day!1!

Put all in all the more description about her body the better. There's nothing else to really write about in the story besides that.

**Yes my bitching has returned! I am still not attacking specific people. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Ah, this is back. I'm so glad people actually enjoy how pissed off I get!**

_OMG somebody just called my amizing OC is a mary sue? What deleted the story then cried for seven hours, now I want to make a new one, but i am to scaredd!_

Ok first of all everybody knows that a Mary Sue is codewords for "I'm ugly and hate on good stories". Ignore these reviews completely, a review like this:

The characters are OOC. Nico would not be that cheerful. It also happens way to fast; they know her a day and they are all suddenly best friends?

Mershilia is a mary sue, she has no flaws, a Mary Sue name, and nobody has waist length bright blue hair.

And only pay attention to reviews like these:

Ohemgee dis is lyke teh best storii i hav ever read! U should totlly be a profesonal righter cuz this is so UMAZING!1!

Only a true writer or critic could leave a review like that. Now if you are really upset by this ugly meanie then there are quite a few steps to making Anaceletisua(once again that's my name-don't steal it cuz I own it!) less of a "mary sue".

Make her really humble. If she says she isn't pretty, that means she isn't. You can also make her really annoyed with all of those troublesome boys that think she's pretty. God do I hate that, almost as much as I hate compliments. Who cares about those stupid anonymous boys at her school? Boys are dumb, except for (Insert name of favorite male character).

Brace yourself for this one…give her a flaw. I know, I know it seems so hard! But with careful planning you can give her a flaw that doesn't complete ruin her! Now Anaceletisua(nicknamed Diamond cause she likes them) is impossibly strong, has a beautiful voice, an excellent singer, can speak three languages, and can surivie for ten minutes without oxygen BUT she's bad at math. Which is perfect because you can mention it like once then never touch on the subject again!1 There! That will show those fat, ungodly FLaMERZ a thing or two!

If you want a different flaw the utterly perfect one is clumsimess! After all it is the cutest, unflaw-y-est flaw there is! She can adorably fall into (Insert favorite male character)'s arms! Plus she will be similar to the greatest character ever created-BELLA SWAN!

Ignore those twihaters that point out things like she is described by Stephanie Meyer as herself but thinner, has no real personality and is ok with a boy stalking her.

If you really REALLy want to go anti-sue make her super HARDCORE! Everybody knows a mary sue is the perfect, girly character but if you make her a perfect TOMBOY it's completely different.

Or if she's goth. Goth characters are physically impossible to be Mary Sue's because no teenage girl is ever nice to a goth person, making her hated at her school! Now remember goth means you wear all black, shop at Hot Topic and hate pozerz and STOOPID PREPS THAT ARE ALL THE SAME AND JUDGE ME!

Once again ignore the fact that not only are you being a hypocrite because you judge all preps or people that like color, and not everybody judges you.

Now that she has flaws, you need away to flaunt those flaws. The easiest way is through character bios. That way you don't even have to portray her personality so if you get a review like this:

This isn't that good. Diamond is really mean.

You can respond in a PM with:

Nu-uh! It says in her bio that she's nice to her friends!

You see? Problem avoided! You could also just flat out tell us, "Hi my name is Ananceletisua. I love my friends, karate and singing but I'm super bad at spelling things, probably because of my dyslexia. Don't tell anybody!" That perfectly shows off your amazing writer skills!

Now we have a wonderfully non-mary sue! You can write again! Yayz!

**Not my best. But I felt the need to get it out. Now before you review(please) I know I talk big game but don't have many stories, I have another account that is quite popular. I can't say which account because I have quite a few haters following me around and 'revenge flames' really annoy me.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm in a rather mellow and chill state of mind so this will not be as harsh as it really should be.**

**Once again, I'm not attacking specific people. Seriously guys. Most mistakes are intentionally, some smaller grammar stuff I'm just being lazy about.**

Now that we have our perfectly perfect character we have to unleash her into the world of Fanfiction! The world must be able to see the beauteous genius you have concocted and compliment you thousands of times on your UHMaZINBG righting skillz!

But unfourtunatly this involves a story. Yes, the painful process of thinking a beginning, middle, end and having it make some sort of sense.

_But that's not fun!_

I no right? But not to worry faithful minions…I mean readers…this website wasn't created for people to try to write some legitimate stuff and to be taken seriously! NOBODY CARES IF YOU HAVE A 'STORY'! All that matters is a good character that ends up with (insert name of favorite male character)! Love stories never have plots besides falling in love, so just write a love story.

Now you are probably wondering "I'm just a twelve year old girl that has never had a boyfriend or even been kissed, how can I write a love story?"

You don't have to have ever had a boyfriend, or even have a had a boy talk to you write a love story! All it is a super pretty girl shows up, the boy thinks she's pretty, they kiss and get married. Things like pacing, or making sense don't matter. It's true love people.

Unfourtunatly there has to be a little more thinking in this process.

_Aw man!_

Hey it's not my fault this site is GAY. Your character has to get to camp some how. Can you think of a way how? Yeah I got nothing either, just copy what happened to Percy (nobody remembers it anyway).

A quality beginning includes all of these things:

An introduction of the character. Since it's impossible to write something in anything besides first person, it's should start out with "Hi my name is…"

It's simple, and never ever has been used before! Now, when you talk to a person you talk like this right:

"I have long, long black hair that is kind of purple in certain lights and blue-gray-pink eyes that are super pretty and my face basically looks like Megan Fox's."

So it's ok if your character talks like that too!

It also should have a description of her personality, that way you don't have to do any showing. It's so easier to just tell people things. Next you can include any of the following:

A mean teacher/adult that's secrertly a monster

Best friend that's a satyr( who cares if all satyrs are male? Boys are never just friends with girls!)

A battle with a super tough monster

End with her fainting/falling asleep/blacking out

Wrap it all up with some fancy words and a few super shiny descriptions of how pretty Stormy Ivy Lycora is and we have a first chapter!

Next there needs be an introduction of her love interest next. He most likely is taking care of her because she fainted. (After all, insert favorite male character is always taking care of random violet eyed girls). When she awakes, their eyes will meet…bada bing bada boom. Twue Wuv!

Now that love is established you can fill your story with lots of cheesy dates, adorable, cuddly scenes and lots of kissing!

_But I've never kissed anybody!_

That is irrelevant! All you need to know is that lips move, tongues explore mouths and lips don't taste like lips. Men's lips taste like strawberries or what ever it is you find appealing.

If you want your story to have a little more meat to it, there are a few things that will make it so much more romantic! There can be a love triangle, create an incredibly good looking male OC(which really is no fun) and have him compete for Stormy Ivy Lycora's love! Of course, she ends up with (insert favorite male character) in the end.

Now, this male OC(Dylan, Hunter or Zack for some reason are constantly used) should secretly be a total jerk. He should try to beat up (insert favorite male character) and attempt to rape Stormy! But don't worry, Stormycan use her powers of blowing stuff up with her mind to fend him off. He won't get in trouble either, in fact it's never really talked about after it happens, but everybody will be very upset with him.

What makes a story even more romantic is forbidden wuv!

_GASP! But but they are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!_

That's what makes it so interesting! Her father probably doesn't like him. This is good because we all know how the gods are SUPAH involved with their kids. There wasn't a war about all of their neglect or anything!

Or maybe Hades doesn't want Nico to be with anybody! You saw the Disney version of Hercules, he was evil in that so he must be evil in this story too! Poor Nico, that emo boy needs an emo girlfriend.

Remember people don't date outside their stereotype.

If Stormy is Percy's sister-

Wait first I have to say what a good idea this is. I highly recommend it to every single reader of this. GIVE PERCY A SISTER! HE NEEDS ROUGHLY FIVE MILLION! Who cares if Percy was the only child of Poseidon in the story, Poseidon joked about sending him more fifteen year old sisters!

_Technically it was just a joke and he would have had to break the rules while Percy was alive which –_

Oh shut up canon Nazi. They are so GAY. Percy should have a sister to get all OOC protective over! Aw! That totally makes sense. Plus, now your character can be a good swimmer! Let's face it only children of Poseidon are good swimmers. And remember, siblings always look basically the same so she needs to look like Percy but with huge boobs and long hair.

**Yeah, I really should be bitching more about these things but I'm so…not angry. It's weird.**

**All of the homophobic comments are there because frankly they are everywhere. Saying something is 'so gay' is offensive people. Just stop it. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey people! Enjoy reading! And apparently I shouldn't offend people, but the person that told me this offended me. Hi hypocrite! Thanks for the revenge flames!**

One thing that happens a lot to good stories is people say their bad. They will do things like point out spelling errors, plot holes and bad characters.

This is what's known as a flame.

I'm sure if you've been following my rules this hasn't happened, so I'll explain the process to you.

First there is an ugly, obese, most likely friendless person out there that lurks looking for fanfiction dreams to crush. Now if they submit one critical review, this means they spend _all of their time giving flames. _Next they see a positively wonderful story. It's roughly seven hundred words long and thirteen chapters long. It's very mysterious because you don't know if Karneidesta is going to fall in love with Nice, or if she's really a demigod. (OHMIGOD SHE SECRETLY A GODDESS! KRAZY ORGINAL!).

Now upon seeing this the flamer will get very upset, because she can tell that the writer is very beautiful and has tons of friends. So she decidedes to do very bitchy evil things.

She'll point out that you spell a word wrong.

_Nobodee cars bout dat!_

She'll say things like OOC or out of character!

_But if Nico's in wuv den he'd act lyke dat!_

She'll point out problems with your plot like, Artemis doesn't want to have children, or that your character wouldn't get away with insulting a god like that!

_BITCH SHUT UP!_

Now there are numerous ways to deal with these flamers. You can review your own story saying "Well guess what, a bunch of other people like it so you can just stop flaming me! Who cares if it doesn't make sense its MY STORY!" There now, I'm sure the flamer will read that! After all doesn't everybody go around only looking at reviews?

You can cuss them out in a chapter. Just publish a chapter that's only an author's note saying how mean and bitchy they are! This will accomplish many things.

The flamer will be so upset that you skillfully proved all of their points wrong (You spelled Percy wrong—_well fuck you!)_That they will apologize and realize that Celestia Moonstone Diana really is a fabulous character.

Or maybe all seven of your amazing fans will bitch her out. Remember if more then one person says it-it's true. After that's taken care of, you can either give up on writing and life, continue completely unfazed by that illiterate bitch or just delete the review! See? Now it never happened! That makes all the scary smart people go away.

Now if you are a fan and you are just innocently roaming the internet, giving people reviews(if you give nice reviews that probably means you have a life, even though it takes the same amount of time to give a bad review, that means that person has NO life)

And you read the most super speshul awesome story you have ever seen! It some how only has twelve reviews! You can tell that all of these reviews completely explain how wonderful the story is so you want to read them! They all are pretty good up until you see….a FLAME!

This of course will send you into a homicidal rage. It'll make you rawr and cry and want to tell this person as loud as you can: NU-UH! Now there are two types of flames

Ones that are just lines of cussing that offer no specific examples of what they did wrong. This is a 'true flame'

Then there is the flame that points out the things that are bad, give you an actually critical analysis of your story. This is known as a 'flame'. Now you are so angry at this person you go to their profile, you read their stories. It's disgusting how many people like this bitch's story! Don't they know she called said that fifty words was to short for a chapter? ARGALJFO:EIHF:KJEHF:K!

You should flame their story! Fight fire with fire! That has always worked in the past! Look how good the A bomb worked out!

Now in this flame you should use the f-word at least ten times to make your point, say bitch at least three times and pepper it with all of the other swear words you can think of. Then send out death threats, not only is this illegal but it'll totally make them scared.

After all they probably are an ugly weak little girl! And it is physically impossible for that person to be a six foot two, a hundred and ninety pound, Indian, kick boxer that spent most of her life in the Bronx. You don't have to worry about making any sense at all; you can start saying some crazy things that will make her readers never read again! Start accusing her of things like being a Nazi, or disrespecting the bible (because it's impossible she has a different religion) and saying how she probably kills babies and eats puppies!

This will completely leave all of her readers speechless. They will never read a single story from this Nazi, hell-bent, baby killing puppy eater again! They will flock to your stories oh wait…YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! So they will flock to your FRIENDS story and give her all of the wonderful flowery reviews that it deserves!

And most likely Miss Meany flamer will die in a whole alone and with out any more reviews on her story!

**Wow I only have a few more topics to cover and this guide will be complete! If I sent a review that personally disturbed you I am sorry for that. I don't expect you to be really happy about getting a review but if it sends you into a downward spiral, yeah I'm sorry about that.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Half of this shall not be sarcastic, you can skip it. I won't be offended. But the first half is basically my comments on a character a friend of mine has created. She doesn't like it and claims that I don't **_**really**_** help people on this guide. Well here you go IronicMuse! ACTUAL HELP! My snarking is in italics; her stuff is in normal type.**

Name: Ava Gweniviere Coolidge

_A good example of an interesting name without it being Mary Sue. Although in those annoying (ILLEGAL!) OC contest lots of people put middle names. I don't see any relevance in that; I don't know any of my friends' middle names!_

Age: 15

_Close to her age, this is a good thing. It's best to stay within a two to three year range. A thirteen year old mostly likely not write a realistic story about a twenty year old._

Appearance: short black hair with a stripe of blue she dyed, Vietnamese, dark brown eyes, tanned skin, pretty tall, a little below average weight,

_Not bad at all! A realistic use of black and remembering there ARE other countries in Asia besides Japan! Don't just list off her traits like this in the story. A quick, solid, stroke of description is better._

Personality: very bubbly and cheerful, she adores cute things, hates to fight and is a people pleaser. She tries to make everybody happy and usually spreads herself to thin, is very reluctant to fight and isn't a 'team player' during most games because she feels bad about winning

_This girl has the definite potential to be annoying if in the wrong hands. If she's 'bubbly' like "ZOMG HAHA THAT'S SO CUTE! HEEHEE!" she will indeed get annoying quickly. You reveal a flaw; it's rather weak but can be incorporate correctly._

Likes: bumblebees, jewelry, colorful things, arts and crafts, making everybody happy, cupcakes, hanging out with her friends, Vietnamese music, making bracelets

_Well, not much to say or criticize I mean you can't possibly list EVERYTHING she likes, just don't forget important things_

Dislikes: racists, mean people, snobs, competitive things, fighting (friendly or real), violence, heals, seeing the faces of the losing side

_Well I should hope she doesn't like racist people, or mean people! I personally think it's kind of a given, who honestly thinks 'I want to hang out with that snob today'? _

Fears: being alone, death

_Plenty of people fear death. Nobody (suicidal excluded) WANTS to die, so I don't think it needs to be said_

Parent: Aristaeus

_Good for you actually researching the gods! I always will give people points for this; crappy fic or not it at least shows effort._

Love Interest: Nico

_I will not shout. I will not rape the caps lock. I will still attempt proper grammar. NicoOC is cliché, normally terrible and so SO annoying. Nico is NOT an emo, cutter, skinny jean, MCR boy. HE is depressed but he's not going for freaking style people! On the flipside, he is not a cheerful, falls in wuv with every hot girl he sees boy either. He still needs to come to terms with his sisters' death before he can start to date!_

**THERE YOU GO! ACTUAL ANALYSISES AND FEEDBACK! NOW SILENCE! The fun can begin…**

So your struck with inspiration! A fabulous idea about an adorable little date or a funny situation your character can show off her amazing wit! You start to type and type and type. When your done you realize…

It's only about a page long. OH NOES! Now all of your fans will be so disappointed with you!

_Plus meanie flamerz will do that whole 'decent chapters should be at least 1000 word' thing!_

So now what on earth can you do? Well you can go back and try to add things in, throw in a pointless song or two for her to sing! Make sure to include all of the lyrics in a big block like this:

_La la la la la la la la_

_I'm super deep because I can sing a song_

_It's all about my super depressing life_

_I wrote it myself even though it's really by Kylie Minogue_

_I change the lyrics so it applies to me_

_La la la la la la la la_

Character depth plus like 500 more words! You could also have [insert favorite male character her] sing her another song to show his love for her! Another way is to explain each and every character's complex outfits. If she sees a blonde girl with a green hat on. Now that is not at all what you need to say! I've said it before, I'll say it again. USELESS DETAILS ARE IMPORTANT!

Its alls important if something is really, really, really, really cool, you describe it with lots and lots and lots of adverbs and adjectives.

Now for a very first chapter, long explanations about the Greek gods are always necessary. I mean, it's not like anybody here has actually read the Percy Jackson Series! You need to tell us "OMIGOD THE GREEK GODS ARE REAL! DER'S ZEUS THE KING OF GODS, HERA THE QUEEN OF GODS…"

Need I go on? It's pretty hard to think of things to add to your story, so instead you can just include a really long author's note! Tell them all about the wonderful/awful day you've had! Because we all care so much about your personal life! One thing you should always so is complain! Just whine, whine, whine about your supah meanie mother/school work/teacher! This is a very attractive thing to do. Rant about anything really. The new movie you saw, your favorite song, the color of your shoes! Who cares? As long as it's about _you_ the super all important authoress.

They read the story for you, not the story.

Next thing that's included in an amazing a/n is a super, crazy funny disclaimer! It should include either you:

Claiming that you aren't Rick Roridain in a funny way like. I'm a girl so I can't be Rick so I can't own PJo.

List all of the super, funny things you do own! Tee hee! I own every book in the series and the guide and the movie and a Camp Half blood shirt and a llama stuffed animal but not Percy Jackson.

Or you can have a long conversation with the characters!

_ME: Hi guyz I hope you like the chappie_

_Nico: Say the disclaimer!_

_Me: OHMIGOD NICO(glomps)(continues on and ends in you killing numerous characters you don't like and making your character and Nico say the like eachother)_

It's so funny! It's so clever! It adds about fifty more words to your story! Plus, if you did actually meet the characters that is totally what would happen!

In the very beginning of each chapter, there are some other important things you can add that's not an a/n. The last paragraph from the previous chapter as a flashback/reminder of the last chapter. After all, it's very hard for people to go back to that chapter.

It's also very hard for them to remember the complex and difficult plot points about your character having a fun day at summer camp.

Last but certainly not least you can take all of your reviews and list out each username thanking them individually, making comments on what they said. Just saying thank you to everybody that reviewed isn't enough! It must be as so:

_IronicMuse-thank you so much! Your endless ass kissing is so nice_

_ForgotMyUmbrella-LOL I wuv Nico toooo_

_Broadwaybabe4-I love that show so much! Did you see the one with Jade? She was wearid_

_Fantsamigoricalproductions-you are so right! Thank you! Fallon is such a good character, thanks for randomly submitting her!_

_Walkingtothemoon-thanks sexy beast_

_Morningperson-ew who likes the morning? I hate it! _

That is how it's done. It shows that you love each and every reviewer, unlike those other people that just say thank you!

**Alright, to those that want to read my stuff. It's not in English. It's in Serbian or French. English isn't my first language, but I'm debating posting the stories on this account. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, lots of you guys don't seem to be getting this.**

**This isn't to be taken seriously; I'm making fun of Mary Sues and Mary Sue stories.**

**All of this advice is crap, if any of your stories resemble this guide then that is NOT A GOOD THING!**

**I thought that by listing it under parody nobody would take it seriously. I guess I was wrong.**

**TO BE CLEAR: THIS IS ALL BAD ADVICE, I AM AWARE OF THIS AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO!**

**Everybody got that?**

**Good.**

**So I've been challenged by many people to make my own OC story, I've decided to take this challenge. Keep a look out for it.**

I would really like to talk about Insert Name Jackson.

Come on, you know her! Adorable little spawn of Percabeth? How she either will become a child of the prophecy, go on a supah awsum quest, fall in love with Insert Name Di Angelo or Insert Name Stoll(Thalico/Tratie spawn) or OC or just deal with being the super coolest girl at camp?

Oh Insert Name Here Jackson, she has all black hair with one blonde streak and one green eye and one grey eye(that's totally how genetics work, you get _every single trait_ your mom and dad have). She also acts either exactly like Percy or exactly like Annabeth. I mean, you're exact clones of your parents too right?

Plus she gets to have her father's weapon (after all, why would he want to keep that or have any reason to still use it?) and is a master at it.

A _master _at it!

She can control water with ease (being a quarter-god, it only make's sense if she has the same amount of powers as a demi-god).

Now Insert Name Here Jackson always has to have a SUPER CUTE/MEANINGFUL/EXACTLY LIKE HER TWO GRAND PARENTS name.

Coral Owl Jackson

Ocean River Minerva Jackson

Bubbles Ashley Chariot Jackson! See what I did there? Chariot was created by Athena and Poseidon! Oh, and you should probably tell them that Ashley is your real name, but you're not a quarter-god so it's not a self insert!

Now where does Insert Name Here Jackson go? To Camp Half-Blood of course!

_But…she's not a halfblood._

SHuT UP! It's my story it doesn't have to make sense! Now she's being chased by a minotaur-

_But if she's a quarter-god then her scent really shouldn't be that strong. Plus don't you think her parents, being the very intelligent Annabeth would take proper precauti-_

Stop stifling my imagination with your logic! So she goes on a quest-

_Whoa, why wouldn't it be a demigod? After all the camp was created for them and it's traditional for a demigod to become a hero-_

DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO BRING LOGIC TO MY STORY AGAIN! I'll set my following of fans against you when I put out a mean authors note!

_Meanwhile somewhere far away…in the suburbs…_

_The evil, morbidly obese flamer let out a shriek of pain._

"_No!" She screamed as she fell off her computer chair. "People…on…internet…don't…love….me!" She gasped clutching her chest. Pain was building up in her body, it was nearly impossible for her to stand up. She placed a fat little hand on the chair and pulled her large ass back to see that to her horror-ANOTHER PERSON ON THE INTERNET DIDN'T LIKE HER! Her esophagus started to close and she gasped for air!_

_Someone, who was randomly reading reviews of stories that weren't theirs, had also disliked her review and told her off through a PM!_

"_Wh-what…no oh no! She called me a beotch! I-I-" But the poor fat ass was gone._

_That's right, by the sheer power of fanfiction PMs, she had died._

But back to more important things, Insert Name Here Jackson…wait!

I've got a tots awes idea! I should write a story about Annabeth getting pregnant as a teenager!

That is so original and awesome! After all, teenage pregnancy is the best thing since slice bread!

It always works out so well in the end!

PART ONE OF INSERT NAME HERE JACKSON SAGA IS COMPLETE!

_You do realize that a saga is traditional Icelandic epics written through prose?_

Nu-uh!

**R.I.P. Becca Marshalla. As an **_**honest**_** reviewer, she shall be missed. I'm so sorry I had to kill her in this story , and make her fat but as you all know **

**Fat=ugly=mean=flamer.**

**(Just to be clear, I'm being sarcastic)**


	8. Chapter 8

Aphrodite girls they're all pretty right?

THE WHORES!

Pretty=popular=stupid=terrible people

There is positively no other version of them right? They cake on make up (because considering their mother is the goddess of BEAUTY they wouldn't be naturally pretty or understand how to apply a reasonable amount of makeup)

Aphrodite girls they probably like love right?

The girly idiots!

Love=girly=weak=stupid=only thing they care about is matchmaking and Justin Bieber

They also have nothing better to do with their time then squeal and obsess over couples and either try to get people together or give each other make -overs.

I mean what else to pretty people do? Oh yeah! They hate tomboyish girls and FORCE THEM TO BE GIRLY! AFTER ALL IT IS THEIR MISSION FROM THEIR MOTHER TO TURN EVERYTHING INTO FRILLY FROU FROU PINKNESS!

Also pink is gross. Pink is bad. If you like pink you are bad and gross and probably stupid.

So what have we learned? You are never ever allowed to portray Aphrodite girls as anything other than vapid ditzy girls with no lives. They make wonderful comparisons though!

"_Wow she must be daughter of Aphrodite because she's so pretty!"_

"_But she's so not girly! It can't be that!"_

But if there is a (gasp!) nice daughter of Aphrodite, or a tomboyish one, or one that's not narcissistic she's the black sheep! I mean, it's a relatively big cabin, the chances that there is more than one decent person is positively ridiculous!

Or boys. Why would Aphrodite have a son? That's ridiculous!

_Eros, Antheros, Beroe, Demios, Hermaphrodite, Himeros, Iakkhos, Phobos, Pothos, Priapos,Aeneas, Astynoos, Eryx-_

I thought I killed you! You with your damn logic and degree in theology…

Plus Hermaphrodite is half woman so HA!

But anyways these girls can only be portrayed in this way. They all are blonde and have names like Ashley, Brittney, Amanda, and Libby ect…ect…

So these "Aphrofreaks" think they're allowed to be pretty and get boys rights? OH HELL NO!

As you all know, guys hate pretty girly girls. I mean why would (Insert favorite male character here) want to date a pretty girl that wear such blasphemous things as _pink_ or _make-up _or _skirts._ Such girly things are completely unattractive to (insert favorite male character here) is much deeper and is in love with deep, meaningful relationships with tomboys.

Tomboys can't be shallow or manipulative or bad in any way! Didn't you hear they're not girly and are as tough as guys and can beat you up and are emotionally damaged? There's some fapbait for ya!

Boys don't want to date girls. Don't be a fool; boys want to date a boy with a vagina. It's the simple truth of it all.

But don't worry; these useless girly pieces of pink crap can actually be used for something other than a tool to write a cute Thalico or Tratie story! I WAS SURPRIZED TOO!

They can be used as a love triangle! Think about it! I mean, if (insert name of awesome character) wants to get together with (insert favorite male character here) but you want to milk more reviews-make a love triangle with a slutty Aphrodite girl!

And by love triangle I mean Aphrodfreaky is in love with YOUR MAN therefore SHE MUST BE KILLED!

Please note to make it interesting give her no chance in hell to get together with (insert favorite male character here)

But remember! You can never portray them as people in a positive way! Never!

**I know it's been awhile. I don't have an excuse because I'm assuming you don't care. But anyway, please review! **

**So there is no confusion-this is sarcasm. I dislike the way daughters of Aphrodite are portrayed in this fandom.**


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